My Story Has A Victory!

This is a long one, blog readers, but its worth it when you get to the end and read about my victory! This is the last installment in My Story.

The best thing that has happened to me up to this point is the day my mom walked into that pharmacy. I don't know what led her to that particular place, but God was definitely behind it, because Pharmacist Brad was just who I needed to see.

We talked to him for several hours one day, told him my symptoms, a basic time line....anything we thought he would need to know. He didn't have to think very long. He simply stood up, said, "I have some papers I want you to read", and walked into the back of the store.

About 5 minutes later he came back with a stack on info papers. What he explained next sent me down a totally different path health-wise.

Now, Brad is a 'Pharmacy Doctor', so he know more than your basic pharmacist. He said that he believed I had Adrenal Gland Fatigue (AGF). What? I had never heard of such a thing! After a lengthy explanation, I went home with some tests to see if this might be my problem.

I'm not going to try to tell you everything he explained that day, but this is the basic explanation of AGF.

The Adrenal Glands control the process of many functions in the human body. Adrenal Glands are best known for developing a lot of different hormones. These hormones are extremely necessary for one's body due to the fact that they are primarily responsible for providing the body with Cortisol, WHICH DEALS WITH ONE'S LEVEL OF STRESS. The problem with adrenal gland disorders is that they may cause a person's glands to build too little  or too large an amount of hormones for the human body to handle. 

After completing these at home tests ( my family members also did these tests, and I was the only one who showed a positive result) we decided this man knew what he was talking about! He recommended I see a doctor who is about an hour away. She had a certain test that would prove for sure if AGF was really what I was dealing with, and she also leans towards more natural remedies.....rather than narcotics!

I went to see her a few weeks later, took the saliva test, and low and behold, Kristin Skidmore has Adrenal Gland Fatigue. Not depression! My mind went way back to all those stressful times in my life: my mom's heart surgery, the failed relationship, my grandmother's passing. All of it made sense now! I wasn't depressed, my body physically couldn't handle the stress as well as others.

 AGF can cause symptoms similar to depression, but any anti-depressant you take isn't going to help. It may seem like its helping at first, as was the case with me, but eventually it ends up making your problem worse since the side effects are exactly the same as the list of reasons for taking the drug! How messed up is that?!

The Panic and Anxiety? Yes, AGF is definitely the factor there. Because my body wasn't producing enough DHEA (the hormone produced by your adrenal glands) it had absolutely no energy in the morning, which explains why the Panic and Anxiety attacks primarily always came first thing in the morning. They wouldn't have been nearly as bad if I hadn't been on the anti-depressant! Ugh, that first doctor!

So my new doctor, Dr. Jones, whom I fell in love with the moment she opened her mouth, gave me lots of natural ways to helps strengthen my Adrenal Glands. She also suggested that I start to wean myself off of the anti-depressant.

I went home that day so encouraged and ready to get going on my Adrenal Gland Support supplements.

GREAT idea #2!

Everything is going great! Christmas...New Years....Panic attack....WAIT! What? Yes, near the middle of January 2010 I had a massive Panic Attack. Never made it to work, Mom had to come find me, blacking out, confusion, and for the first time I said, "I don't want to be alive. I don't want to do this anymore!"

I was so sick of the way my life was, that I just didn't want to do it anymore. Thankfully, I never had any ideas of hurting myself or doing anything stupid. In fact, I think I was too out of it to think of anything like that anyway. I just knew I didn't like my life.

Mom calls Dr. Jones and tells her of my panic attack. She tells mom that I should just stop my anti-depressant right away.

Hmm. Bad idea....6? ....7? I forget.

Dropping from 60mg of an anti-depressant to 0mg is a horrible, awful, incredibly stupid idea! The effect that took on my body was relentless. My Panic and Anxiety attacks continue and I made it to work about 50% of the time.

And yes, sad to say, I lost my job. That job that I loved so much, but my body just couldn't seem to handle. I had to take the tags off my car because I couldn't afford the insurance, gas, and repairs without a paycheck.

Finally, after doing lots of research, we found that you can't just STOP this medicine. You had to bring yourself down slowly...a few MG a month!

So, in March 2010 I started my own pharmacy :) Dr. Jones suggested an amount of mg to drop per week/month, and I talked to a pharmacist friend and got advice on the best way to go about this. So, I started pulling apart those little pills, and counting out teeny tiny white bead-like objects.

During February and March, my symptoms escalated. Between my AGF and the withdrawl symptoms of weening myself from the medicine, I was an awful person to have to live with.

In March 2010 the church my sister and her family attend held a prayer vigil. 24 hours of prayer. I handed in my prayer request, and within 12 hours after the end of the vigil, my withdrawl symptoms were GONE! Not a single symptom! They just left! Praise God!

After the withdrawl symptoms were out of the way, I could deal with my Adrenal Gland supplements.

I took a second saliva test, which showed that everything I had been doing to strengthen my adrenal glands was definitely helping! Dr. Jones said to continue whatever routine I already had myself on.

This has now been 5 years of my life. Its June 2010 and I'm still counting out those awful white beads each week. I have no money, no car, no Independence. I'm living at home with my parents, and at 21, I would like to be thinking about setting up my own little apartment. However, that's impossible when you don't even have enough money to buy a bottle of shampoo.

Its a Thursday afternoon. Every member of my family is at work, and I'm stuck at home with no car. I was not a happy camper. A horrible mood and a bad attitude weren't helping the matter either. With absolutely nothing else to do, I decided to house clean my room.

I'm grumbling my way through it, wishing the whole time that could wake up and find this to all be a dream. I was hating my life.

I'm yanking stuff out of my closet when my childhood jewelry box is suddenly uncovered when I move a pile of clothes. Bored with dusting and sweeping, I plop down on my bedroom floor and start looking through the box.

Memories started flooding back as I pulled all sorts of little girl type jewelry from inside the box.

Suddenly my eye caught something that I didn't recognize. As my fingers wrapped around this object, I started to cry before I even saw what it was.

It was a shiny silver necklace with 5 little beads. These beads spelled the word GRACE.

My mind immediately went to Ephesians 2:8

For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith

--- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

And there, sitting on my bedroom floor, a cried out to God. I asked Him to forgive me for trying to fix this on my own, and forgetting about His Grace. For forgetting that my life is a gift from Him, and that He was beside me since that night at camp. He never left!

Even through my darkest days, when I was sure this world would be better off without me, He was there.....loving me.....cheering for me.....holding me.....crying with me.

And now, even though I may still be counting those beads, and continuing my Adrenal Gland support, I feel 5,000 time stronger just knowing I'm not alone. He is always with me!

I had the amazing opportunity to visit Covenant Life Church and hear Joshua Harris speak just a few weeks ago. During the service a young lady gave her testimony---which wasn't too far off from mine--- and right then is when it hit me. I needed to tell my testimony story! She gave me the courage! Thank you so much, Erin!

Since I found His grace I have seen so often how He has been in my life.

I met two new friends, had breakfast with them early in the morning, and felt His Grace around me the whole time!

I've been offered a position at a Home Health Care Agency (which, if you remember, is where I wanted to work when I started my CNA training), and an interview with another this week.

I'm starting a Drama ministry at my church. Yes, Drama! You know.....that thing that cause lots of stress for the directors? Well, I'm the ministry team leader, director of the first show, and have never felt so good about anything!

I'll be spending my afternoons this week as a camp nurse at a local children's church camp. And guess what! Its the same camp ground where I prayed the sinner's prayer and heard God speak to me that night! I remember exactly where I was sitting that night 11 years ago, and I'm going back. I need to go back there to thank God for everything He has done for me since that night. I'm going to sit on that bench and remind myself that He hasn't left my side, even through all the pain over the past 11 years!

Thank you all for sticking with me through these long posts and reading my testimony! I'll be continuing this blog with regular posts, but I'll keep you updated on God's Grace in my life!

Always remember:

When our pain increases, God's Grace increases.

When our sin increases, God's Grace increases.

There is nothing you can do to make God love you less, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you more. He's with you through the good times AND the BAD!

Going through a struggle in life, just to learn about God's Grace: Not exactly an Amazing idea, but it definitely had its perks :)