My Story Turns Black

I can't really explain what happened next, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself....six years later. Can't even tell you a specific date or time; I just remember slowly, over time, starting to feel weird. 


A few things that I noticed right away:

• Things that used to make me happy were now just a bother.
•  Crowds of people petrified me! Ask me to walk into a crowded room and I'd freak out!
• I couldn't stand going to work, because that meant I'd have to actually talk to people.
• I stopped hanging out with my friends.
• I became very undependable.
• I began to lie to my family trying to hide how I was really feeling.
• Miss sweet Kristin turned into Miss cynical.

Nothing made me happy anymore. Kristin Skidmore was feeling really BLUE. 


I go 18 months like this without mentioning it to my family. Looking back on it now I know they noticed it too, but I thought I was hiding it from them.


And then it happened. Prince charming walks in! All was right with the world again! Being with this person was the only, let me repeat ONLY, thing that made me happy for quite a while. He had arrived at the perfect time too. My mom was about to have open-heart surgery, and I really needed a friend.


I thanked God all the time for sending this person into my life. Marriage was talked about...we talked about 'us in 10 years from now'.


Yes, 17 year old Kristin Skidmore thought she had her life figured out....with this person included in her future. 


This extra special person goes away for approx. one year, as part of a ministry program. I anxiously wait his return...for when he returned, we could finally start our life together.


Finally he comes home.....with a girlfriend. He's a completely different person than when he left a year ago. I feel abandoned.


My little rain cloud suddenly grew to a Hurricane. BLUE turned to BLACK. The darkest, deepest black imaginable.


Yes, I know this kind of stuff happens alot. Relationships change everyday, and people are affected by it all the time. But my body didn't seem to be handling it quit right. I had the obvious 'break-up' symptoms: couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, etc. But I got to the point where I couldn't funtion...I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't go to work...and don't anybody talk to me! I felt like a limp, wet, washcloth.


These symptoms from 18 months ago came back with a vengeance, and now I couldn't hide them anymore.


I flunked my Anatomy and Physiology class at Garrett College. Ok, so I failed every class that semester. Kristin Skidmore doesn't flunk classes. I had a 4.0 gpa, which suddenly dropped to a 1.7! My family knew something had to be done.


 So, what do you do in a situation like this? You go see your doctor.


Thats Bad idea #1.


My doctor laughs it off as 'break-up' depression, prescribes me an anti-depressant, and kindly tells me, "Don't worry honey, there are other fish in the sea." I was so mad at her that I left without telling her this all started before the failed relationship.


So, after some counsel from wise christian elders, we determine that the anti-depressant can't hurt and might actually help.


Thats Bad idea #2.